Toxic Relationships: A Few Reasons To Get Rid of Them

toxic Toxic Relationships: A Few Reasons To Get Rid of Them

Let’s face it. Unless you are living in a world where every single person around you is the most positive person on the planet, you have toxic people in your life.

I, for one, have dealt with one too many toxic people in my life and it’s taken me a long time to either realize it or realize it and then get them out. It’s really a harsh reality that you have to face every now and then.

That friend that you grew up with and have talked to for the past two decades could be your “best friend” but if you really think about it, they turn out to be this burden as opposed to being a light in your life. OR maybe you have a “friend” you became friends with just because you have things in common. Hey, that’s how a lot of us develop friendships but if all you ever do is talk about those couple things and your friend pretty much bashes all the things you believe in or think about…you’re probably better off without them.

Recently, over the past year or so, I have gone through some changes. No, nothing huge. But changes that involve getting rid of the toxic people from my life. And I figured, it would be a great idea to share it with people! You may find yourself reading this and a name pops into your head. Yeah…that relationship probably isn’t good for you.

  1. They’re usually full of negativity.

It’s true. They drown themselves in their own pity parties and as you try to comfort them and leave them with something to look forward to, they shoot you down with their negativity. Basically saying, “Buzz off, you have no idea what I am going through, so don’t bother trying to make me feel better.” Well, alrighty then. No arguments here, you’re on your own. Just get rid of them. The negativity does nothing good for you and your life. You should be surrounded by people that are going to be a positive outlook. Don’t get me wrong, people have bad days and that’s totally fine. And you may even feel negativity sometimes. But when each conversation is filled with the constant complaints about people or their life…it gets old.

2. They don’t support you.

Usually, those toxic people in your life don’t care very much about what is going on in your life. If you accomplish something or have some great news for you, they usually follow up with something better so something so negative that it makes you feel bad for sharing the news. You probably know them as “one-uppers.” Bet another name just popped into your head, didn’t it? They don’t just “one-up” you, they just downright don’t support anything you do or say. Not every friendship or relationship has to share the exact same views and opinions on things but hey, you don’t need to straight up bash somebody because of their point of view. I have kept myself at peace with a lot of the things people say and do and unless it is harming myself, my family, or others…it’s not going to bother me. Believe what you want, do what you want, if it truly makes you happy then that works for me!

3. They’re never really there for you.

This is probably one of the hardest things to come to terms with. Are you normally there for your friends? The one who comes to the rescue when they are feeling down and out and try to do whatever you can to lift them up? No one is perfect and as adults, we tend to not spend as much time on our friends as we used to. So, it’s okay to not ALWAYS be there at their doorstep with pizza and a bottle of wine when your friend has had a bad day. But if you’re going to text someone and ask them how they are doing, you better be there when you get back a response with, “I am just having a hard time right now.” I don’t know, I have a hard time remembering to text people back or I read a text and totally forget that I even read it. It happens. But when someone needs help, I do my best to be there. I guess it’s hard for some people who don’t value things the same way you do. We have families to take care of and businesses to run, it’s life. I get it. But there’s always that ONE friend that just…sucks at being there, period. And always expects you to be there for them. Ugh!

toxic Toxic Relationships: A Few Reasons To Get Rid of Them

4. They’re not as forgiving.

There have been numerous times where I have messed up in a friendship or gotten upset about something that happened or was said. If you’re a female reading this, you totally get it. Sometimes we are just a little sensitive…sometimes we’re a little mean. We can’t always control how we are feeling but we can choose how to carry on from the situation. Long story short, I had a friend who I told great news to and didn’t do #2. They didn’t support me. Mainly, they got jealous that I was going through something they weren’t…yet. Then they got mad. This whole time, I had no idea about it. Then something bad happened and they didn’t do #3. So, when that something bad happened, I was stuck without a friend to talk to because she was one of the only people to know about what was going on. Come to find out, she was jealous, didn’t want to talk to me, randomly talked to me again, found out about the bad news, felt extremely guilty, didn’t talk to me for longer, and then finally told me the truth. They apologized for not being there. And guess what? I forgave her. In an instant. Because, I understand that things happen and I wouldn’t want me friend to feel the way she was feeling. Fast forward to a few weeks later…you’re having a really rough time and that same friend tells you they are there for you if you need anything. Later on in the conversation, starts acting rude and you tell them….you’re sounding rude. Your comments are rude. I just don’t understand why you’re being rude. And then the comments from your friend turn out mean and just disrespectful (which will be #5) and well, you being the person going through the tough time, you get upset. You let your friend know you’re upset. And, you’re not going to let them walk all over you – like always (#6) and you tell them! But get this, later on you message them and apologize for your own actions. And your friend has the audacity to act like they did absolutely nothing wrong and was still being extremely rude to you.

Take the two scenarios here…your friend couldn’t forgive an ARGUMENT but you forgave them for being a plain, HORRIBLE FRIEND. End the friendship there.

5. They don’t respect you.

It kind of goes along the same lines of them not supporting you. They don’t really care what you think and don’t care all too much about what you have to say when they’re whining about their life. Clearly, if they’re not there for you when you do the same thing, that’s just not fair. And if they belittle you for the things that you do or say, that’s not respect at all. You two may have the same interests in life, but you are NOT the same person. But respect should always be there. It doesn’t matter if your friend makes more money than you or goes on vacations and buys a ton of fancy clothes…she shouldn’t rub that in your face or make you feel bad because you just don’t. Or you spend your money on other things that you see as more important to you. Not only that, if they are giving you condescending remarks about the things that you do or say, please know that they don’t have any respect for you. They may say, “I was only joking,” but there’s a good chance they were just being rude anyway.

6. They walk all over you.

Now this….I have been guilty of in the past. I had a friend that used to be the nicest person in the world and let people walk all over her ALL THE TIME. So, it wasn’t just me, but I took advantage of the fact that she never said “no.” Granted, I wasn’t the worst but if it came down to asking her for help, I knew she would be the one to do. Fast forward to a few years later and the mean friend she hung out with all the time (me) finally taught her not to let people do that and she doesn’t anymore. If she ever reads this, I am proud of you girl! haha. Anyway, I realized how much of a bad friend I was being, I stopped acting like that and I grew up! I mean, I was in high school so we all have some growing up to do in those years.

toxic Toxic Relationships: A Few Reasons To Get Rid of Them

 

With all that being said, someone is walking all over you and mistaking your kindness for weakness, drop them like a bad habit. I sure deserved it back in the day but I am thankful that my friend kept me around and we have been friends for over 10 years now. 🙂

Well, I think that’s about all I can think of at the moment. Spending time just going over these six reasons has helped me realize who I needed in my life and who I didn’t. Now, it’s your turn. Maybe a few names came up while you were reading….maybe you’re one of the lucky ones and you couldn’t think of anyone. That’s great! But for those of us with toxic people in our lives…don’t let them weigh you down. Assess the relationship and see if it’s going to make your life better or make it more stressful. I definitely like the less stress option. Good riddance!

 

toxic Toxic Relationships: A Few Reasons To Get Rid of Them

“Meternity Leave?” This is Maternity Leave

2016-05-10_12-53-47 "Meternity Leave?" This is Maternity Leave

Alright, there is a popular article that has pretty much gone viral all over Facebook and Twitter. I have seen it pop up on my feed quite a few times and I finally caved to read it.

The article on the New York Post titled, “I want all the perks of maternity leave — without having any kids ” by Anna Davies has stirred up quite a few blog posts and Facebook posts from moms all over, giving Miss Meghann Foye a piece of their mind. And well, being a mother myself and having finally read the darn thing, I decided to write about my feelings on this subject as well.

No, Meghann. I haven’t read your book. And there’s a very good chance that I won’t, mostly because I barely have time to read books as it is. Don’t get me wrong, I am not going to sit here and say that I have never been in your shoes before. I have. I was once one of those women that focused solely on career and friendships as opposed to thoughts of having a husband or kids in my future. Well, I thought about it but after numerous breakups and heartache, my life became more about me than about having a “we.”

I joined the military with every intent to put in my 20 years, retire, and live a fabulous life of being single and never having any other responsibilities besides the ones that are needed to take care of myself. And hey, that’s totally fine. More power to anyone who takes pride in what they do with their life. Countless jobs before, I thought it was unfair that mothers got to take time off of work. I mean, what did I know? I just saw these moms getting paid to take time away from work or even what you said in the article in the NYP, people got to leave work early to pick up the kids and having a friend who just suffered a breakup wasn’t a valid excuse. Been there. I was like, ‘Why the heck can’t I get out early because I live 30 minutes away and I want to go out with my friends…but I have to drive all the way back home then all the way back HERE just to do so.” We all worked together, downtown…it just made sense.

Then being in the military, I thought the same thing, at first. People got to get out of working a 13-14 shift because the daycares on base shut down after a certain time and you HAVE to pick up your children. People got time off and got away from the job that we were all sleepily working at on a Friday evening…still here…

But that’s the thing. You never know anything about anything unless you have been through it. This whole concept of “Meternity Leave” just makes no sense to me. That’s what vacations are for. If you work in the corporate world, you get paid time off and well, many people who don’t get paid time off for vacation, still get time off to themselves to do whatever they please.

Maternity leave is not a vacation. Maternity leave is a time of bonding with your child and having those precious moments with them. Because those first few months are some of the most important times that baby needs to be with their mother. And 3 months off? Not many people get that luxury. When I first had my child, I was given 6 weeks paid and I took an additional 2 weeks of my own time that I had saved up. And that’s in the military. Granted, we have recently changed things a bit and we now get those 12 weeks – paid, but that wasn’t the case before. And think about many people outside of the military who are ALLOWED to take those 12 weeks or more off…but many moms can’t afford to take it off because that time off isn’t even paid for! So, the entire time that the mother is supposed to be spending time with their child and learning how to be a mother, they are spending time stressing about the bills that need to be paid and how they are going to make up for the time lost at work.

Ask your friend who decided to leave her corporate job and start a new business after she had her baby. What is it exactly that made you want to do that? I am willing to bet that it wasn’t…”I had an awesome vacation from work and I wanted to continue it.” It is very likely the fact that she pushed a melon sized child out of her vagina and realized what was important in her life and what her focus needs to be on. And let me tell you…I highly doubt she had a “break.” Do you really think stay-at-home-moms ever get a day off? Wait, don’t even answer that. I am willing to bet I know which side of the spectrum you’re on when it comes to THAT conversation.

But here’s the main deal with this post. THIS is what maternity leave looks like. And if you’ve never had a child, you wouldn’t know.

2016-05-10_12-53-47 "Meternity Leave?" This is Maternity Leave

This beautiful moment after I had my first son is nothing short of amazing. Everything I felt was worth it. But what you don’t see here is that, I was terrified. Nurses and doctors didn’t speak to me. They acted like I wasn’t even there and they just had to get a melon out of me. What you don’t see is them pushing on my stomach and passing my placenta out and stitching me up. What you don’t see is the pain that I endured or the fact that because doctors wouldn’t talk to me, I had no idea what was going on.

2016-05-10_12-53-47 "Meternity Leave?" This is Maternity Leave

You may see me smiling here but what you don’t see is that I am cuddling with my child in the early morning, after hours of fighting him to nurse. I had to battle with him to try and eat for the first 6 days of his life. He had jaundice and wasn’t nursing at all and I didn’t understand why. So, laying down with him in bed was one of the only ways to get him to calm down.

2016-05-10_12-53-47 "Meternity Leave?" This is Maternity Leave

What you see here is a mom who stayed up all night with their crying baby. Trying to put him back to sleep after hours of trying. Many nights I fell asleep sitting up in my bed because my baby only wanted to sleep in that position.

2016-05-10_12-53-47 "Meternity Leave?" This is Maternity Leave

No, I am not squishing my child, but this is a great example of what you DON’T see moms go through during maternity leave. Finally, a satisfied baby. Fed and ready to pass out. But mama? Covered in milk from leaky boobs, stained shirts, nipples that are sore and completely cracked from learning how to nurse her baby for the first time, and breast pads to help from a milk waterfall from streaming down your clothes. As you can see, it doesn’t always help.

2016-05-10_12-53-47 "Meternity Leave?" This is Maternity Leave

There is always poop. I bet your “Meternity” never has a bunch of poop…or pee all over you. Or vomit for that matter, unless you’re covered in your own vomit from those margaritas with your girlfriends at the bar because you’re celebrating her newfound singleness.

2016-05-10_12-53-47 "Meternity Leave?" This is Maternity Leave

An exhausted mother. Sleeping with an ice pack in between her legs, wearing very large mesh underwear from the hospital, and feminine pads that resemble diapers. It’s the healing process. You don’t see that, do you? That’s because most women don’t post that all over their Facebook pages. You don’t see the heartache some moms go through when they look in the mirror and see their bloated stomach STILL looking like they are 6 months pregnant because not all moms lose weight while nursing. You don’t know the feeling of having a stitch stuck in your lady parts because it didn’t dissolve like it was supposed to. And you don’t know what it’s like to not be able to be intimate with your husband, 1. because you can’t and 2. because you have no energy.

There is no such thing as a “break” when it comes to maternity leave.

So, go ahead and suggest to everyone that you deserve your “ME” time. Because honestly, us moms never really get that “Meternity Leave.” Once you have a child, there is no such thing as ME time. It’s about your kids. It’s about family. And yes, that’s a choice that we, as parents made for our lives. But don’t you dare say you need paid time off to have time to yourself just because women have a baby and get their time off.

Also, I found an article that I found completely hilarious after I started writing this post. And for those of you that want “MEternity leave,” I say, go for it. As long as you abide by the rules of this post. And I absolutely love it.

So you want maternity leave without the kids? OK. Here’s how that should go.” by Elizabeth Bromstein

2016-05-10_12-53-47 "Meternity Leave?" This is Maternity Leave

Back To It’s Roots

What could I possibly be talking about here? “Back to it’s roots? Who’s roots?”

The blog is going back to it’s roots! I started out this whole blogging journey (this blog at least) in I believe August or September of 2014. I was pregnant and no longer doing the job I was doing before. I sat at a desk and I needed to spend time doing something that was creative and an outlet for me while going through my pregnancy.

After I had my son, I went through a few changes. Got back into working out and eating healthy and taking things head on. I got back into the BUSINESS of Beachbody and was really trying to get that going. The thing is, I am still doing all of those things but I am trying to keep my blog to my feelings – stories about my life. This is supposed to be an outlet. Not a business venture.

Sure, I will have links to my business accounts and what not on here but it’s nothing that isn’t going to be the sole focus of this blog. The focus is me. My life. And everything that comes with it. I can share stories about being a wife (heck, I am still new to this and it’s been a year and a half!), motherhood, transitioning from an everyday job to being a stay-at-home-mom (coming next year), and anything else that sparks my interest. This blog is meant for others to come and laugh at my mistakes and see that they aren’t alone.

Parenting is hard and I know it makes me feel better to know that I am not alone when I have a rough day and I just need to walk away. Also, it’s nice to read the funny things that happen to people and what could possibly happen when the “terrible twos” hit or when your “three-nager” is talking back. All of the things us moms look forward to, right? 😛

To celebrate bringing my blog back to where it’s supposed to be, I changed my domain name back to it’s original state. HeyDarlingLove. That’s what it’s meant to be and I am NOT changing it again. I made a new instagram account for this blog and I will post literally anything and everything I am feeling on this one. I have a personal account where I post everything in my daily life, my fitness account, and a babywearing one that I am apart of. But this one is different. I will post my blog posts on there and I will share bits and pieces of my blog, my thoughts, and fun quotes that I find. It’s a smash up of everything into one, I guess. A peek into my life. 😉 And my twitter account is back to normal.

This is the right move. I know this because it feels right. I have no doubts. Even if no one reads my posts, that’s totally fine with me! I am not very good at telling stories and typing how I should. I am not an English teacher and I don’t care to be. I am not always grammatically correct, I spell words wrong, and I don’t proofread. I just get out what I want to say and in a timely manner. I have a job and I am a mom and a wife. If I want to get my thoughts out, they just have to flow. You moms get it, don’t you?

Either way, this is going to be a fun continuance of a journey I started not too long ago and I am totally looking forward to getting back to getting to know my fellow bloggers and entertaining my friends with my…sarcasm and random rants that happen almost daily. Be ready for all of the awesome-ness headed your way. 😉

Welcome back,
HeyDarlingLove <3

?s=100&d=mm&r=g Back To It's Roots