It’s Okay to Admit You’re Not “Okay”

*Please note: This is a sensitive and real thing that I went through. It was not easy to write and some parts may make you think I am a horrible person…but if you continue reading, I hope that you will understand. Thank you. <3

Did you know that today is World Maternal Mental Health Day?

It is! It has been declared the first Wednesday in May and I’ve been given signs for a long time now, to share my story. Even more signs popped up in the past few days. It’s something I have never really shared with people and if I did it wasn’t in depth, but I wanted to share this in hopes of someone reading it will know that they’re not alone.

18280802_10208845007314754_1932360827_n It's Okay to Admit You're Not "Okay"
Photo: Amanda Glenn Photography

This here is a photo of a mother who absolutely loves and adores her child.

This is also a photo of a mother who had/has a hard time with this adorable, little babe.

And I don’t just mean, had a hard time adjusting to motherhood. That, alone, was a battle. But I went through stages of anger, fits, rage, crying, sadness, and hopelessness…and I didn’t know or understand why.

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A Letter To My Daughter – A Rainbow Baby 

img_1316 A Letter To My Daughter - A Rainbow Baby ✨the stillness after the storm✨

When you were 4 weeks old, I took a photo similar to this one in appreciation of my post partum tummy. The tummy that housed you and grew you into the tiny human that lays upon me today. 

But as I had shared in a previous post this last week, this month hasn’t always been so good to me. I’ve experienced loss. And this tummy had the privilege to be home to a little one, even if only for a few weeks. This was a year ago. Although I experience great joy that I have you here with me, I do not forget the little one that came before. The little angel that looks over you now, that is a piece of you and of me. My temple is not damaged, no good, not worthy, or less womanly. It’s a shame that women have felt that it’s too “taboo” to speak about miscarriage, as I have before, but it’s not something to be ashamed of. And it doesn’t make you less of a woman or a mother. My little girl, someday you will become a woman and a mother. I pray you never experience the sadness that I have, but if you do, know that you are strong and you will survive. 💕

img_1316 A Letter To My Daughter - A Rainbow Baby 

What’s in My Hospital Bag 

img_6942 What's in My Hospital Bag 
Well, now that I have actually had my baby and am incredibly behind on posting this…I figured it’s a good time to finally get this post written out and published!!

I literally started typing out this blog post the week I had my daughter. Not only that, I had finally finished packing my darn hospital bag! Can we say, procrastination? 😂 Hey, it’s how I work and at least I still was able to get the photos taken for this post.

With my first pregnancy, I packed A LOT of things that I didn’t need. I packed a lot less this time but even then…I didn’t use a lot of what we brought. I give birth rather quickly, so I don’t really have time to use everything. 😂 I will go over what I packed and what I didn’t need.

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3 Weeks Post Baby

img_6843 3 Weeks Post BabyWhile I was pregnant, I kept up with my fitness lifestyle. At least, during my second pregnancy. During my first, I didn’t work out much due to the doctor telling me to take 8 weeks off because I almost lost my son. It was scary and I listened! But it was very difficult to pick up the fitness routine after those 8 weeks and I just gave up. I fought hard for that year before we got pregnant again and I was barely even close to where I had been before. 

The cool thing is, I gained a lot of muscle and was in better shape during this pregnancy than in between my pregnancies. I want to get back into the gym but at the same time…I’m trying my best to be patient through the healing. Plus…I have two babies at home to take care of now. So, it’ll be interesting to see how I fit in my workouts! 

BUT I’ve been itching to do some exercising. I’m not in a HUGE hurry to get back into the gym but I’m noticing that some of the gains I worked so hard for during my pregnancy…are slowly going away. That’s not fun. You know what else isn’t fun? Being super antsy to just get outside or to move a little more. 

I have yet to buy my double jogging stroller to take the kids out together but on the weekends my hubby and I can take both the kids and go for super nice walks together. Little man goes on the swings at the park and plays on the playground, little miss takes naps in the stroller, and my husband and I do exercises at the park. He does a lot of pull-ups and other calisthenics and I just to body weight exercises. For now, I’m not doing too much but just being able to get my heart rate up is good. It definitely helps my mood as well. Keeps me sane. 😂 Movement is good for the body and the soul! 🙌🏽❤️️

img_6843 3 Weeks Post Baby

Welcome! My Birth Story 

Welcome to the world, Juniper! 😍

img_5988 Welcome! My Birth Story 
This beautiful, little girl came roaring into this world yesterday morning. It all started at 6am when I felt a punch in my cervix. My water broke and it woke me up. It didn’t break all over the bed or anything but I went to pee to make sure and my husband got up and walked around the house with me. He actually sat down to play video games while I paced around the house. Then I realized I was having contractions and it was time to start getting things together. Aston was still sleeping and we figured he would be waking up soon so we let him sleep while we got ready and started timing contractions. Not much time passes, Aston is up eating breakfast, I texted Kassie and she came to pick up Aston, I text and call Nicole and let her know this is happening, and I told Jonathan it’s time to go. Got everything out of the house and I was on my way. I even said to him, “I’m not going to make it to the hospital.” I grabbed a trash bag to put on the seat of the car if I needed it. I was seriously convinced that I was going to give birth in the way there. Hubby sped down the freeway and followed a cop the entire way (who happened to also be speeding) and when we got there, they came out with a wheelchair for me. It was 8:01 and I got a text from Nicole and I responded with “wheeling me in right now.” They asked me a few questions, got me into the triage room, and I told the nurse “I need to push.” She told me to get on the bed so she can check me and I could barely do it. I fought through a contraction and Jonathan was rubbing my back and pushing my hips together. And I guess I was dripping blood while I stood there (he told me about it later). She checked me and I was 9cm and immediately rolled my bed into delivery. Jonathan let them know that last time I was in labor for less than 3 hours and the nurse called down to another and said, “she has her babies fast!” And the other one said, “oh yay!! This will be fun!” Lol. We get into the room and I had to transfer beds. I had originally planned to walk through my contractions and to be squatting or on my knees on the bed during delivery. I had to deliver at the hospital, couldn’t have a home birth, and had to follow a lot of Navy rules (I am active duty) but I knew I could have the natural birth I wanted under any circumstances. BUT the most comfortable position for me? Oh my back. I wasn’t moving…no way. 😂 my husband talked to the doctors and the nurses and expressed everything we wanted for this birth and what we didn’t want. Everyone was amazing. They listened to our wishes and communicated everything with us. My hubby was a rockstar at being a great advocate for me and was an amazing birth partner. 😍 As for me, I wanted to push. At this point I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to do this. I doubted myself for a second but it didn’t matter…this baby was coming. They told me not to push for a minute so I was trying my best not to and I would thrust my hips up with every contraction. The doctor reminded me that I needed to not do that otherwise I would risk tearing worse. And let me tell you…it was very difficult to not do that. But I did it. And then it was time to push. 

With my first, I had gotten an epidural and I didn’t even push. They had vacuumed him out and I felt useless. So, that’s why I chose a natural birth this time around. But because of that…I didn’t know how to push. 😂 There was an amazing nurse on my left that was trying to explain to me how. And I think it helped. I was making a lot of noises during this process. Nothing too crazy at first. I yelled a bit, a few “Ah’s” were coming out. And then I heard the doctor tell my husband, “okay, she’s not moving and he heartbeat has drastically dropped. We NEED to get this baby out. She needs to push. I’m going to put the vacuum on her for just a second and then take it off.” Jonathan agreed and told me I needed to push. I pushed and her head was out. And the doc removed the vacuum. It sucks that the vacuum was used but had he not, that would have been worse. But I’m thankful he took it off immediately. Then I remember being told to give one really big push…

I screamed. I pushed. And what felt like 10 minutes was the most excruciating pain I had ever felt in my life. I honestly felt like my body was being torn in half and then she was out and my body could relax. The tension was gone and all of a sudden I was overcome with a feeling of relief and then I was just in shock. I did it. And you know what? That 10 minutes….was literally a few seconds. They handed me my baby girl and laid her on my chest. She cried as she was coming out, the umbilical cord was around her leg but they got it unwrapped, and she was on me…I was staring at her. Again, I was in shock. I couldn’t believe it. I felt every bit of pain and every bit of her. We chose to do delayed cord clamping and my husband and I were just in awe. 

img_5988 Welcome! My Birth Story 
I did it. The girl who can’t watch someone take her blood or get a shot…someone who has an extremely low pain tolerance…gave birth naturally. Just like I wanted. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t have my home birth or a water birth. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t birth with a midwife or that I didn’t have a doula…I listened to my body. I was in tune with my body. All those weeks and months of preparation, reading, prayer, being at peace, and just finding balance in my life is what made me get through this. And having my amazing husband with me through it. Have your birth how you want it. You are in control. ❤️️

Oh, and remember what time I got to the hospital? 8:01am… our baby girl was born at 8:20am. 19 minutes later. A lot can happen in 19 minutes! 

The goal was a healing birth. And I have been healed. 

img_5988 Welcome! My Birth Story 

The End of the First Trimester

img_1587 The End of the First Trimester

The first part of a series of documenting my second pregnancy.

I didn’t do much documenting with my first pregnancy with my son. I didn’t really know what to write about and I was in this weird stage of trying to figure out what kind of blog I wanted to have…but that doesn’t matter. I have a blog as an outlet. To talk about my feelings and how my life is and to just have somewhere to dump all of my emotions so that I don’t scream at the next person who speaks to me. So, I will just write about my pregnancy, here.

Unfortunately, I didn’t write anything about this pregnancy until literally the END of the first trimester, but we weren’t really telling anyone about it yet. Most people don’t want to tell anyone in the first trimester that they are pregnant (especially if they had already experienced a miscarriage) because miscarriages are quite common in the beginning. So common, that almost 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, with the majority occurring during the first 12 weeks. There is a 75% chance of miscarriage in weeks 1-2 of pregnancy, when you do not know you are pregnant. There is a 10% chance of miscarriage in weeks 3-6 and this number drops to 5% during weeks 6-12. That’s kind of a big deal. Anyone can see why most families tend to share the news AFTER the ultrasound.

Okay, I lied.

So, that’s what we did. We did it with Aston and we decided to wait for this one too. I was so happy to see that everything was okay and our little peanut was moving around in there. Arm buds and all. 😛 I found out I was pregnant when I was maybe…about 4 weeks along. Seriously, we experienced a loss in January and the next month, I was pregnant again. I was keeping track and told my husband that I wouldn’t take a pregnancy test again so soon. Okay, I lied. We had been trying for another baby and I was too excited when I didn’t get my period! And, it was positive. WOO HOO!

Went into medical the following Monday to be sure and yes, another positive test. HCG levels were pretty high and I was on cloud nine. But, we didn’t want to say anything to anyone.

6 LONG weeks later, we were finally able to get an ultrasound done and we announced the big news!

Related: And Then There Were Four…

The first few weeks after finding out I was pregnant was a bit rough. And what I mean by few I mean like…the past 8 weeks. I never got sick with Aston. No morning sickness. I believe I had about 2 days of nausea and it literally felt like it was just the flu, not a human being growing inside of me. But this time is slightly different. I am still nursing Aston in the evenings and weekends, basically whenever I am home with him. So, there’s the nursing and then there’s the normal fatigue that comes with pregnancy. The first trimester just blows when it comes to energy levels.

I come home every night and pretty much just pass out with Aston. Play with Aston a little bit when we get home then it’s time for him to take a nap so I nurse him and I either watch TV or pass out with him. And when I try to get up to do anything, he flips out. Apparently, it’s his time to be with mama. That’s fine. I like to get my snuggles in when I can.

Nope. You did it once this week. Don’t you dare try again.

But working out, yeah. I didn’t work out at first because I was afraid to. I know very well that working out doesn’t cause miscarriages. But when you start bleeding WHILE you are at the gym, you kind of worry a little bit and this time I just stopped. Probably a stupid idea, but I was all in my head and I just didn’t want to risk it. So, I didn’t. I did try to start working out again and I would do one day but then my body was like, “Nope. You did it once this week. Don’t you dare try again.” And I would just be in pain for a few days and I would get sick. I was just done. So, the first trimester has been difficult for me. Not the regular difficult like most moms go through but…finding the time and energy while working full time, having a 14 month old at home, and growing another baby is hard! Anyone who says it’s easy is lying to you. No joke. But, you can make it through. That’s what I am finally starting to do.

And eating well? Forget that. For the first few weeks, anytime I even looked at a vegetable, I wanted to vomit. That is clearly not healthy and not like me at all. This baby is definitely a different one than his or her big brother. But I am working on it. Trying not to give into the cravings is really hard but I cannot let myself gain over 60 pounds again like I did with Aston. It’s not fun. It’s really hard to get everything you worked so hard for back! Trust me.

I’m not even fully at the end of this trimester but I am almost there. The first trimester seems to just fly by. Before I know it, I will be in the third trimester and then having my baby and into the fourth trimester I go! Oh man…that’s scary all on it’s own!

 

(Written 2 weeks prior to publishing)

img_1587 The End of the First Trimester

And Then There Were Four…

12973018_10205948156655298_5075545641529279649_o And Then There Were Four...

Now that the entire family and the Facebook world knows the good news, I can share it publicly…anywhere I want. Including this blog. 🙂

That’s right, Aston is going to be a big brother! And we are all so excited!

I did post the other day (April Fool’s day to be exact) and I talked about my experience with miscarriage. It’s a sad thing for anyone to have to go through at any point in their lives. But it’s also something real. It does happen. And I will not dismiss it and act like it didn’t happen.

I know that God will use that situation as a reminder or a lesson at some point in my life. we mourned our loss and we moved forward. And you know what? It’s okay to move forward too. Some people may think that it’s not okay to just move on past what just happened to you, but it really is okay! There is no sense in dwelling on the things that you cannot change. Especially something that happened beyond your control.

So, here we are, now with baby #2 on the way. And it’s such fantastic news! Hubby wants a girl and I want another boy. Let’s be honest, I want a boy because I already have all of the baby boy things and I don’t need to go out and buy all the extra stuff then! 😛 But for real, I don’t care as long as we have a healthy and happy little baby. Isn’t that all any parent really hopes for?

This baby will be a fall baby. He or she is due on November 1st and we are pretty excited. Not only that, I am so excited about that fact that I will get an entire 18 weeks of maternity leave! The military changed some things around over the past couple years and I made the cut off by a few days. It’s pretty fantastic. When I had Aston, I was home for 6 weeks and then took an additional 2 weeks of my own time off to stay with him. I wasn’t ready. I really was NOT ready to go back to work after only 8 short weeks with him. And I have missed him every moment since.

Of course, I still see him every night when I get home from work and on my lunch breaks if I take them, but I love being home with him. Yeah, I get the crazies every now and then when I am home with him all day, but I assume eventually you get used to it! 😛

Anyway, there’s the announcement. I am so excited and feeling incredibly blessed to be having this little peanut growing inside of me. Such a gift to be able to carry a child not just once but twice. <3

12973018_10205948156655298_5075545641529279649_o And Then There Were Four...

12973018_10205948156655298_5075545641529279649_o And Then There Were Four...

The Day I Became Mommy

10959472_10203622120585850_514289489830806787_n The Day I Became Mommy

Alright, so a lot of people have been asking me lately how everything went for me when I was giving birth to Aston. When meeting with people and sharing the story face-to-face it’s a lot easier. When people ask me via Facebook, twitter, or instagram even, I just give them the shortest version. Well, I would like to share with everyone how everything actually went down.

Everyone’s story is very different from the next. Everyone’s story about labor is so unique and beautiful. And this one was definitely not what I expected but turned out exactly how it was meant to. 🙂

On February 6, I was at work and we usually sit in a conference in the morning. Since our office is just myself and my boss, we were in a phone conference with the rest of the command down in San Diego. Well, usually these are pretty long and boring ventures so I just sit there and listen and try not to fall asleep. Anyway, I started feeling some contractions…nothing major and pretty much thought they were Braxton Hicks contractions but with just a step up in the pain. I ended up just walking around the room a little bit and pacing back and forth. I really didn’t think anything of it. Looking back on it now, that was probably when the whole labor process was starting. lol. Anyway, I didn’t feel that for the rest of the day..that was at about 9am or so. I sat at my desk feeling super tired and just drained. Also, I felt a heaviness down south and it was causing a lot of discomfort. Nothing weird either. Just felt like I was swollen, “down there.” I ended up talking to one of the ladies down the hall who I have talked to throughout the entire pregnancy. She’s had 4 boys and is in the Navy too so I thought, who better to talk to? Anyway, I was explaining my discomfort and she ended up calling the nurse hotline to get some ideas on what I should do. The nurse asked me questions about contractions, losing my mucus plug (which never happened), and other things. She suggested I just walk around for about 5-10 minutes every hour since I sit at a desk all day and that’s probably causing too much pressure. I thought, ‘Okay. When I get back to work on Monday, I will start doing that.’ I was 37 weeks and was about to go home for the weekend.

At home, I was just hanging out with my husband. A normal Friday night for us. Eating dinner, watching Netflix, and playing with Violet (our puppy). We decided that we should probably go for a walk with her since she needed to get out of the house to expel some energy and we also thought it would be good for me since I hadn’t been feeling the best. Well, as always, we got caught up in watching our shows that we forgot to go for a walk. At about 9pm I felt a pain from my back that radiated to the front of my belly. It hurt and I actually cried. Keep in mind, I have a super low pain tolerance. I let it pass and I sat down on the couch with the hubby and we figured it was time to go for a walk. An hour later after the walk I felt it again. And then after that, I didn’t feel anything again.

Once we decided to turn in for the night, it was about 11pm and we were getting ready to shower and get ready for bed. We were just standing in our bedroom and talking like we usually do and were just getting ready to hop into the shower. Out of nowhere, my husband looks at me and says,

Did you just pee on yourself?!

Uh…what?! No! I look down and a few trickles of water were falling down my leg. I didn’t feel a thing so I had no idea. I went to the bathroom and ended up peeing so I thought I was fine. We weren’t exactly sure on what happened and I didn’t think my water broke cause everyone I had asked told me,

When it happens, you’ll know. There’s no mistaking it.

Since they said that, I didn’t really think anything of it. So we showered and while showering we discussed what would happen if we were about to have the baby soon. Well, the baby’s hospital bag had been packed for weeks but mine? Nope. Before we crawled into bed, we decided it was time to pack mine. So I did. I will be writing a post about what I brought with me to the hospital…and what I actually used. lol. Earlier in the evening, we had also finally made a birth plan and wrote down a list of errands we needed to run that weekend to help us prepare for the baby since we were only about 3 weeks away from the due date.

This list included:

  • Car seat installation and inspection
  • Buy a changing pad
  • Do a hospital tour
  • Pre-register at the hospital
  • Pack my hospital bag
  • Birth plan
  • Organize all the paperwork we might need
  • Make a list a phone numbers of people to call

Stuff like that. Looked like we had a decent amount of work ahead of us for the weekend. Boy, were we in for a surprise.

DISCLAIMER: There are a few gross things in here. lol

At about 3am on February 7, I felt a pain. It was almost like a period cramp. It woke me up and I thought I would just go to the bathroom. Well, I peed and there was blood in the toilet and blood when I wiped. Nothing MAJOR but it was still blood. And the funny thing is, I thought I was fine. I woke my husband up and asked him to walk around the house with me to see if I was okay and we went from the bedroom to the top of the stairs and I showed him the photos I took (yes, I took photos). He stops and said,

Okay. You’re going to the hospital. Get ready.

He knew I wanted to put a little bit of makeup on before I went, so I did. Simple…face powder and mascara. Nothing major and I even straightened my hair. You never know how long you’re going to be at the hospital! Anyway, we got our things together, Jonathan put the carseat in the car (literally, just put it in the car), he made some coffee, got the bags and camera together, and took care of Violet. Then we were off.

As we were driving, I would say my contractions went from 7 minutes apart while at the house to about 4 minutes apart. The hospital was only about 20 minutes away…maybe 25. We pulled into the parking lot of the hospital at exactly 4:20am. Walking up to the doors, I had to stop 3 times to let a contraction pass. Once we got inside, we had to take the time to register since I didn’t preregister at the hospital beforehand. They ask you the typical questions and they even asked if this was my first baby. Well, yes, it’s my first baby. It’s like they moved even slower once I told them this was my first time. Probably because THEY DID MOVE SLOWER.

You hear many times during pregnancy that the first one is always slower than the second one or the third. You know, when you talk to experienced moms and you ask them about the labor and what it would be like? Yeah, I have heard that so many times. But let me tell you…this baby was COMING.

I was admitted at about 5am and was dilated about 4cm. I was in pain, and this pain just came out of nowhere. It wasn’t gradual for me. It was like a stinging and all of a sudden there was pain. They put in my IV and believe it or not, that thing sticking out of my arm and trying to move around with it on was more annoying than anything that happened that day. It hurt my arm and I just wanted it out. After a few minutes went by, I told my husband,

I think it’s time to call the folks!

So, Jonathan texted my parents and his mom to let them know that this was happening. Good thing for them, we didn’t wake them up or anything because they were already up and were 2-3 hours ahead of us.

Some time had passed and I realized that I REALLY needed to go to the bathroom. I told the nurse that I had to go and she wouldn’t let me! She just told me,

Oh, that’s just the baby coming. You’ll be fine.

Lady, I will not be fine. Let me go to the bathroom. It’s about 10 feet away and I can make it. I just need to pee before my bladder explodes! Nope, wouldn’t let me go. The nurse ended up checking me again and I was dilated to about 6cm, I believe. I’ve been told that you should go to the bathroom before you get your epidural too. So, I wanted to go to the bathroom and make sure everything was out of there before I had this baby. I was SO frustrated that I just ended up crying and making the pain of the contractions worse. Jonathan was trying to comfort me but nothing was really working. I had to pee so bad. And I just kept asking, “Why won’t she let me pee?!” And I could tell he felt really bad for me. Like…who cries from needing to pee so bad? Me. I cried. Whatever. He ended up looking at me and telling me there is a lot of padding under me. lol. Yeah…he told me that and that was it. I wasn’t waiting. This was happening right now. The nurse came back in with the anesthesiologist and I got my epidural. Immediately, I felt so much better. I relaxed and I was definitely much nicer to Jonathan. I guess that’s normal. lol.

 10959472_10203622120585850_514289489830806787_n The Day I Became Mommy

The nurse had to clean me up and fix the bedding and then not too long after that, I saw her rushing around. More nurses came in and they started getting things together around the room. A couple more nurses came in and were talking to the original one around me and asking questions. For some reason, it sounded like a foreign language to me. Then they started moving me around and rolling me back and forth on the bed. They weren’t really communicating with me besides saying,

Breathe. Are you feeling any contractions? Anything?

First of all, I was breathing. Every dang time someone told me I needed to breathe, I wanted to strangle them. Come on. You will clearly see if I am not breathing. I didn’t pass out so stop telling me to breathe! I was annoyed with that, for sure. And about the contractions? No…I wasn’t feeling any. Then I freaked out a little bit. Turns out, it’s normal. When you get an epidural the heart rate of the baby usually does drop a little bit. But of course, they don’t tell us any of that and they just freak out.

My delivery doctor was coming from base and hadn’t gotten to the hospital yet and I heard one of the nurses saying to get another doctor. I have no idea who this man is but he delivered my baby. lol. They hurried around so much I was so scared. The doctor told me to push, the nurses told me to breathe, and Jonathan….I have no idea what he was saying to me. Haha. I felt nothing. So when they were telling me to push, I had no idea if I was even doing it or not. I did about 2 pushes and all of a sudden I head a pop and blood kind of flew everywhere. I freaked out even more. They were vacuuming him out. WTF. I had to push about 3 more times and baby was out. I didn’t feel much of anything besides an intense amount of pressure. I am pretty sure I felt his feet come out. I look down and the doctor was holding my baby by his leg. He was blue and purple and a mess and they cut the cord right away and brought him straight over to the other docs to get looked at. He wasn’t crying. I was scared. Jonathan went over there to make sure everything was good and then the nurse looked over at me and said that he was okay. And en I head a cry. I was in awe. I couldn’t think or say anything. My doctor came in right as Aston was coming out. He ended up stitching me up and I was just laying there shaking and not really talking or anything. I think I was just in shock of it all. I guess the first thing I said was,

Does he have all of his fingers and toes?

What? Why did I ask that? lol. I was upset they didn’t put him directly on my chest, I was upset that they didn’t even ask Jonathan if he wanted to cut the cord, I was upset that they used a vacuum on my son, and I was upset that they didn’t communicate with me. It was quite a mess. But the most important thing is…

I have a son. He is the most perfect little human I have ever seen. He is amazing. And I am so happy to be his Mommy.

  10959472_10203622120585850_514289489830806787_n The Day I Became Mommy    10959472_10203622120585850_514289489830806787_n The Day I Became Mommy  10959472_10203622120585850_514289489830806787_n The Day I Became Mommy  10959472_10203622120585850_514289489830806787_n The Day I Became Mommy  10959472_10203622120585850_514289489830806787_n The Day I Became Mommy  10959472_10203622120585850_514289489830806787_n The Day I Became Mommy  10959472_10203622120585850_514289489830806787_n The Day I Became Mommy

 

10959472_10203622120585850_514289489830806787_n The Day I Became Mommy

Pregnancy Woes and Worries

10403521_1032432426773288_7872237651078672316_n Pregnancy Woes and Worries

Alright, it’s getting close to GAME TIME. No, I am not talking about the Super Bowl on Sunday. The Packers aren’t playing, so who cares anyway? 😛

February 27th (my due date) is fast approaching and I am feeling a bit of anxiety.

I went to the OB yesterday and found that I am 1cm dialated, baby is head down, and he is estimated to weigh about 5.5-6 lbs right now. No big deal…I could be at 1cm for the next 4 weeks and I would be fine, I’m sure. But the issue here is…

my husband will be leaving on a detachment on February 5th-13th.

Sure. It’s only an 8 day detachment but he’s leaving RIGHT before the due date and with my family history, I just have a feeling I am going to have this baby while he’s gone. 🙁

I know, I know. It was my choice to join the military as it was his and we knew what was involved with it. There are MANY moms that go through this alone and their husbands are gone on DEPLOYMENT. I totally get it. But that doesn’t mean I am more settled because there’s a chance my husband might miss the birth. Especially when it’s NOT a deployment.

Sometimes, you just get screwed, hard, and there’s nothing you can really do about it. It truly sucks.

I’m just having a few panicky moments here and there when it comes to this. I mean, my best friend leaves on Friday and goes off to spend the next 3 years or so in Jacksonville and I won’t be able to call her to come pick me up if I go into labor. Anyone else I could call? They live right by the hospital and it would be crazy for me to have them drive from out there, over to me and then BACK to the hospital! That would just take so much time! Ambulance? Yeah, there’s a different system for things like that considering I live on base. And our base doesn’t do deliveries in their hospital anymore…if they did, I would drive my happy ass the whole 3 minutes there.

I know. I have been lucky. My husband has been around for the entire pregnancy. He’s been able to help me around the house when I needed it, helped with the nursery, lifted things I couldn’t, etc. But honestly? If I have our little boy while he’s gone, I would trade the entire 9 months of my husband being home for him to be there for the birth. I’m not the only one disappointed about it…my husband is really upset that he’s leaving.

Especially since he is leaving the command in A MONTH. UGH.

Anyway…my random rant is over. Let’s just hope our baby boy likes staying in there and won’t come out until Daddy comes home! Just hold out until Valentine’s Day little man! Your Daddy wants to meet you on your first day here! You can do it!!

10403521_1032432426773288_7872237651078672316_n Pregnancy Woes and Worries

10403521_1032432426773288_7872237651078672316_n Pregnancy Woes and Worries

10403521_1032432426773288_7872237651078672316_n Pregnancy Woes and Worries

What I Learned About Being Pregnant (So Far)

10922682_1032432380106626_3303904522764279033_n What I Learned About Being Pregnant (So Far)

Pregnancy. There are many things that women will tell you about being pregnant. Some obvious points: swelling, backaches, achey breasts, morning sickness, weight gain, fatigue, the kicks, the movements, etc.

Some people have even writen blogs about their experiences after baby and the things no one really tells you…how long you bleed for, the tearing, the stitches, afterbirth…all of those things you don’t want to think about.

But there are things that people don’t tell you about pregnancy because they just didn’t experience things like you.

I’ve just noticed a few things of my own during my OWN pregnancy. It’s interesting to go through these past (almost) 36 weeks and see the difference from my sister, who was due on the 13th of January (but had her little darling 2 weeks early on New Year’s Day), to myself, and to other women who have already had their babies.

1. Getting pregnant while in the military isn’t always as easy as you’d think. As many of you know, I talk about the military from time to time. That’s because I am in it. Unfortunately, when you are in the military, it’s not so easy. Sure, we have benefits to getting pregnant. Medical is covered because of the insurance we are given, there are a lot of classes available to you, services available (if you are told about them), and there are great options for childcare. But what I am talking about, mainly, is when you get pregnant during your sea duty rotation. In the Navy, you have certain time frames where you are on sea duty and shore duty. What does that mean? When you are sea duty, (like in my case was 5 years) you are fully capable and deployable for whatever time was given to you and after you have completed that time, you go to shore duty for about 3 years to have a little “break” from the sea. I had a 5 year contract to be deployable but now that I am pregnant, that time has changed. I am now on shore duty until I have the baby and for a year after that. The problem is, when you’re on sea duty and you get pregnant, you HAVE to go to shore duty and no one likes when you do that. They lose a body and cannot replace that person when you leave. And people havea  big stink about it. It sucks, but whatever. It’s my life.

2. Your taste buds change, tremendously. Many women have told me that your taste buds change. I’ve read it on the little preggo apps on my iPhone as well. But here’s what happened to me: I used to eat extremely healthy before I got pregnant. Pretty darn clean, I would say. Fresh fruits and veggies, black or brown rice, lentils, beans, egg whites, no dairy, hummus for days…I finally got to a point where I could do it. I got pregnant (and I was on the ship sailing the Pacific Ocean at the time when I found out) and all I craved was red meat and potatoes or really salty foods. We made a stop in Hawaii for about a week and all I wanted was carbs. My goodness, how horrible is it that your taste buds change that much?! I didn’t want to eat any salads or fruit…or anything that remotely sounded healthy. And I was still working out all the time until the nausea kicked in. When they tell you that your taste buds will change, they’re not kidding. Sitting here at almost 36 weeks pregnant, I am still fighting with my taste buds to eat healthier! It’s a constant battle that I tend to lose majority of the time.

3. If you’re a workout junkie, you MIGHT turn into a bum. I say “might” because there are a lot of women who are fitness junkies or body builders and end up pregnant and still look amazing. As for me, I was crazy about health and fitness and that has fallen to the wayside a little bit. I mean I eat as decently as I can considering the taste bud changes and I work out as much as I can but I have wayyyyy less energy and a harder time breathing. It sucks. I mean, I would have probably been okay in the beginning with working out but I was forced to stop working out for 6 weeks. Our little guy was having a hard time staying in there and we almost lost him. It doesn’t help that I was on a flight deck for the FIRST 6 weeks of pregnancy. Running around, lifting heavy, and being on my feet for 12+ hours at a time. Yeah, that tends to take a toll on your body. When I got flown off the ship and was home for about a day or two, I had to go to the ER for some bleeding and was told to not lift or do much for 6 weeks. I blame it on that. That’s where my bum-status started. lol.

4. People will love telling you “You’re so big” or “I didn’t start showing this early.” First of all. Screw you. That’s what I want to say to every single person that would say stuff to me! Second of all…yeah. I showed early. I also had like 15.2% body fat on my entire body. Where did you think the baby was going to start popping out of?! I remember I went on leave to go home and visit my family at the end of September and I swear, as soon as I stepped off the plane, my bump showed. It’s weird. But I was only about…3 months pregnant. So, that just led to people telling me “Wow, I didn’t start showing until I was 6 months!” or ” I didn’t have to wear maternity clothes until I was about 8 months (if at all).” Newsflash: A lot of you that have been telling me this, also haven’t worked out a day in your life or just don’t care about health and fitness. So, yeah, my smaller framed body is showing a lot earlier. Some people compared my sister and I as well. My sister was 6 weeks ahead of me and well, she’s a bigger girl. Nothing wrong in saying that…we were both built very differently. Again, she also doesn’t work out as often as I did. With that being said, some people couldn’t tell she was pregnant at 4.5 months whereas everyone started noticing my bump at 3. Bottom line is…everyone is different. Some people stay SUPER tiny the entire time they are pregnant and some people…don’t.

5. Stretch marks. If they’re going to happen…they’re going to happen. Women will tell you that it’s hereditary. If your mom got them, you’ll get them. Let’s be real…your skin stretches. That’s not hereditary. It’s all about the rate at which you’re growing at. If you gain a bunch of weight pretty quickly, you’re probably going to get stretch marks. Right now, I don’t have any stretch marks but apparently it’s starting to look like I might get some. The elasticity in my skin isn’t as good as I thought it was. Feeling pretty tight these days. lol. So, I will probably get them! I mean, I got them from when I was fat. Why would I even think that I won’t get them while growing a human being?!

6. Not everyone has cravings. I didn’t have any crazy cravings…at all. Nothing crazy. The only things I have craved were burgers and fries in the first trimester. Second trimester? I didn’t really crave anything. And recently…like this week, I REALLY wanted chocolate chip pancakes. I couldn’t find the bag of chocolate chips that I knew we had in the house and my husband stopped working out and came into the kitchen and pulled them out of the pantry for me and I literally jumped for joy! And it happened again when I couldn’t find the home made maple syrup his mother had sent to us. lol. Apparently, I REALLY wanted these chocolate chip pancakes. Other than that? No cravings! 🙂 That’s probably a good thing. Unfortunately, it’s just the food aversions that I explained earlier.

7. You’re not really eating for 2. It’s true. You’re not. The “number 2” is super tiny. And when you have that little bundle of joy, he/she is going to be about 7 lbs or so! So, think about it. Do you really think that downing 2 large pizzas is okay because you are “eating for two?” NO. You are only supposed to increase your diet by about 300 calories. When you’re in the third trimester, it should be about 450. Granted, I have been eating A LOT lately. Most of it being junk. I will be working on that soon (just reminding myself). But I still don’t eat double meals…in one sitting.

8. Not everyone gets morning sickness. I didn’t. A few days before I found out I was pregnant, I had a lot of nausea and fell asleep a lot. Guess that was normal. But that’s the extent of my “sickness.” You will hear that it can happen anytime. You will also hear about how much it sucks if you get it. But I never realized that if I ever got pregnant, that I wouldn’t get morning sickness. I thought I would be sick all the time! Boy, am I glad that I didn’t get any sort of sickness! Okay, I might be rubbing it in a little. Haha.

9. Not all women get that spontaneous urge If you’ve ever been pregnant before or have thought about getting pregnant, I am sure many of you have heard about how many women get really…”turned on” in the third trimester. Your men love it. Some men even want you to just chill out and let them take a breather. Sorry to tell you, not every woman is like that. If this is a little too much for you to be reading, you may skip to number 10. But really, it’s not always that way for all women. And let me tell you, it sucks. When your hormones make you do a complete 180, it drives you nuts. Needless to say, it’s been an interesting time for both my husband and I. Hey, a gal has got to be honest about these things! I wish I had known this before!

10. Anxiety will happen Seriously. You will NEVER feel ready no matter how much you buy or do to prepare for the baby. No matter how many classes you take or anything. You will feel lost. Having a baby is going to be a new and life altering, lifechanging and wonderful experience. Just be prepared for that. Know that you’re going to make mistakes and you will learn from them. That’s really the best thing you can do for yourself to prepare for what’s to come. No amount of money spent and things bought and classes taken will prepare you…and that’s okay.

11. You WILL waddle. I wouldn’t believe people. I said I wasn’t going to waddle. And some women may not! BUT I am carrying our little boy quite low and I am feeling pretty huge. So it is more comfortable to do A LITTLE waddle than to just try and walk normal. Don’t bother forcing it. Your body will thank you later!

I really, cannot wait for my little man to get here. No matter what, it’s going to be so worth it. I love him so much already. 🙂

Also…I read a blog post recently from a mom who posted on Scary Mommy and it was about how much she hated being pregnant. Horrible, right? No. It’s not horrible. I have to admit, I am NOT the most enjoyable pregnant woman. And I have had a “boring” pregnancy so far. Nothing bad going on and nothing too strenuous either. But…I’m not the best at being a preggo. I can admit that. Although I do not agree with EVERYTHING this woman is saying, I do agree with some parts. I Hate Being Pregnant & I’m Not Apologizing For It

On the same token…there is a woman that wrote about her feelings on the Huffington Post. They Should’ve Warned Me – There are many negative things people tell you about being pregnant. And really, it isn’t so bad. I started writing this post a couple weeks ago because I was trying to come up with enough information on my own perspective. And while I was doing that, there have been other mom-friends of mine who have given me some of the best advice. They know it’s not easy for me to gain all of this weight but that I love my baby growing inside of me SO MUCH. So, on my birthday (last Monday), a friend of mine posted this little bit of encouragement for me. She describes the wonderful feelings she has about being a mother and being pregnant. The things no one warns you about. Because…who ever shares the positives?! I’m so glad I read this. And as I am entering into my last month of pregnancy, I will enjoy this month…throughout all of the middle of the night bathroom runs, Braxton hicks contractions, losing sleep, backaches, headaches, feeling sick, lack of energy, and constantly falling asleep at my desk at work…I will rejoice in the fact that I will have a son in my arms VERY SOON!

10922682_1032432380106626_3303904522764279033_n What I Learned About Being Pregnant (So Far)

All photos were taken by Pentacle Photography. Find her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/PentaclePhotography

10922682_1032432380106626_3303904522764279033_n What I Learned About Being Pregnant (So Far)